


Buggery

by Nevraukowen



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: AU, Bees, Crack, Dirty Jokes, Doctor/Patient, Humor, M/M, Slash, based off of a bad joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-21 23:49:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevraukowen/pseuds/Nevraukowen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unusual visit to the doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buggery

**Author's Note:**

> This is another repost of something I wrote a long time ago. I was originally going to make this a series of one-shots based off of dirty jokes, but I never got around to it. 
> 
> Original Authors note circa 2005: it's a bit of a crack!fic really, and utterly stupid. AU, un-beta'd Slash, and well, a bee. It's based off of a -horrible- joke that someone told me yesterday- The wording isn't exactly right, but I've caught the spirit of it... All I can say is that I'm sorry. 8*D

Dr. Bean sat behind his desk and looked at the couple sitting in front of him. Both men were gorgeous, not to mention obviously deeply in love with each other. The older man was blonde with a strong jaw and a crooked smile. The younger was a sexy brunette, with near perfect features and large brown eyes. "Well", he said warmly, "what brings you fine gentlemen in here today?"  
  
The younger of the two men blushed, before looking at his partner, "I don't know about this, Vig", he said softly, "I don't think I can say it".  
  
"But Orlando", the elder man urged, "he can probably help you".  
  
Nodding, Dr. Bean added, "Your boyfriend is certainly correct, young man. And don't be embarrassed, I've heard just about everything. Nothing you have to say could be that bad".  
  
"I can't do it Viggo", Orlando pouted.  
  
Viggo patted Orlando's hand, "I'll take care of it".  
  
Dr. Bean steepled his fingers and waited patiently for an explanation.  
  
"Orlando and I were just about to have sex", Viggo explained, "It's our one year anniversary, and we were going to celebrate, in part, by having sex on the hammock in our backyard. Anyway, I was in the process of stretching him, when out of nowhere, a bee flies right into his hole!"  
  
"Excuse me?", Dr. Bean said incredulously as Orlando shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  
  
"It's just like he said", Orlando assured, his face tinged pink.  
  
"Well", Dr. Bean announced, "I should probably have a look".  


* * *

  
  
Soon Orlando was laying on his back on an examination table, wearing nothing but a white paper gown. Dr. Bean stood between his legs, holding his ass cheeks apart. After a few minutes of staring, he backed away and started to rummage through his drawers.  
  
"Is there anything you can do doctor?", Viggo asked from where he stood in the corner of the room.  
  
"I do have one idea", Dr. Bean said victoriously, holding up the jar he'd found, "I'm going to lure it out!"  
  
"Lure it out?", Orlando asked.  
  
Dr. Bean nodded, "I'm going to put honey on my dick and see if I can't get the little bugger to come out on his own".  
  
They all agreed that this was the most sensible plan possible. So, Dr. Bean stripped down and smeared honey over his fortuitously hard cock. He teased at Orlando's entrance for a few minutes, but with no result. "Would you mind if I went in and tried to coax him out from the inside?", the doctor asked.  
  
"No", Orlando answered breathlessly, "not at all".  
  
Dr. Bean proceeded to push into the young man. He thrust shallowly a few times, constantly changing angle, and making Orlando moan softly with each thrust. Eventually Dr. Bean found an angle that caused Orlando to tense and gasp, grabbing the edges of the table with white knuckles. That's when Dr. Bean really started to ram into his patient. They both began to moan loudly and passionately.  
  
At this point, Viggo started to become suspicious that something fishy was going on. "Hey!", he demanded, "What do you think you're doing? I thought you were going to lure the bee out!"  
  
Looking up from the writhing mass of hot boy flesh beneath him, Dr. Bean replied, "That obviously wasn't working, so I came up with a new plan:", he sped up his thrusts, really pistoning into the young man below him, "I'm going to drown the bastard!"


End file.
